stop calling me a lady

i hate the word “ladies”. hate is strong, people, but i mean it!

i know i’m not the only one. i thought that many women didn’t like this term, but then… and i don’t mean to point any fingers here if this is too specific (ooops, oh well)…

then i was a bridesmaid, and my life was suddenly filled with neverending facebook threads & email chains starting with, “hey ladies”… and ending with “love you, ladies”!


to be clear, i do love a lot of these so-called “ladies”. they are smart, interesting, beautiful, kind “ladies”. i forgive them for calling me a lady. but stop.




No, I’m not saying the phrase “hey women” should become a thing. though some cool people i know have said that before (they were women), and i liked it.

what i’m saying is stop calling me, or another woman, a lady. like “hey ladies” or “a lady on the bus” or when my dad says “a lady i work with” (i know he reads this.. sorry dad. back when you worked (haha!) you said this a lot)

you might be thinking that i think it makes me sound old, and to that i respectfully say:



i don’t want to be called something that implies i’m younger. that’s not the problem.

despite everyone’s obsession with youth (not actually young people – they don’t get respect – just looking young but not actually being young, got it?), it’s pretty demeaning that grown women are often referred to as “girls”. we’re fucking adults. i am not a “girl”. i am a woman.

i actually don’t mind the implication of lady being someone who has aged beyond, say 29. growing old is a privilege that is not afforded to many. bring it on! (if i’m lucky)

The word “lady” just sounds demeaning, too. it’s not a strong word. it’s a word that has soft sounds and ends in a cute “eee”. it’s cute and soft like women should be. Yeah, the implication of “BE A LADY” is what i hear when people call me a lady.


if you look up lady in the dictionary, you might find this:

lady (noun): a woman who knows her place

other ways to say it: why aren’t you smiling?; don’t make such a big deal of it; you’re too bossy; you’re too aggressive; make yourself look ‘put together’. 


there are some times when people use “lady” that i like: Lagy Gaga and theladymilan. Notably, women who named themselves.

Call yourself lady! Call yourself whatever you like!

But don’t call a group “ladies”. it implies “women” and you don’t know everyone’s gender identity. it could be really painful for someone to be misgendered in that way.

And if you do know that someone is a woman, why not call them a woman?

“Woman” is not a bad word.

I am a woman. I’m not a girl (I’m over 16) and I’m definitely not a lady (I refuse to be told that I have a “place”, or to be put in it).


I am strong, sometimes assertive, gentle, sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, powerful, & magical.




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